Star Trek: Picard: Season 1 Review

This week on Sci-Fi Adventures, I've got some relatively tiny Star Trek: Picard reviews for you! Well, more like 'observations and other thoughts that entered my head while watching it'. Sorry for making you wait, but it took this long for my internet to finally get fixed.

Picard's first season was only ten episodes, making it the shortest season of full-length live-action Trek ever, but that's still a lot of episodes to read about in one go. (I was going to write 'ten stories' for a moment, but it's not that kind of series.) Fortunately for you I already wrote about the first episode, Remembrance, back when it came out, so that cuts it down to just nine. I could've copy and pasted all that text here to the whole season in one place, but... no.

Oh, I should mention that I wrote the first draft of these reviews right after each episode hit the internet, so any predictions and concerns are genuine. I really didn't know for sure where the story was going at the time. I also cut myself off from outside opinions for a while, because you know what fans are like when a new Trek series launches: they have a wide variety of different reactions just like you'd expect from any diverse group... but you're for sure going to hear about how it's a complete failure and a massive insult to everything that came before it. They may well be right, it is the first season of a Trek show after all, but I don't need to be rehashing second-hand negativity. If I'm going to hate on it, I want it to be for my own reasons!

There's going to be lots of SPOILERS past this point, mostly just for season one Picard, but I might throw in a few from earlier Trek if they seem relevant. So I'd suggest watching all 30+ seasons before reading this, just in case.

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I keep saying that I never give out review scores, but then I keep doing it. It just seems a shame to write a block of reviews and not give you numbers to compare them with. So here's what they mean:

10	I realised I was never going to rate anything 10, so my scale only goes to 9.
9	When I finish watching something and think, 'damn that deserves a 9' then it gets a 9.
8	A contender for the best episode of the season.
7	I enjoyed this episode, it was pretty decent.
6	Can't say I didn't like it, but I wish I could've liked it more.
5	It was alright, kept me watching the screen at least.
4	I may have stopped watching it but I was definitely listening.
3	It either didn't hold my attention or it was actually annoying me.
2	Didn't make it to the end. Wish I hadn't started it to begin with.
1	It's amazing that they had the nerve to air it.

Star Trek: Picard: Season One
1-02	Maps and Legends	7
Picard and Laris investigate Dahj's apartment but fail to find her sister's location. Then Picard visits Starfleet and fails to get a ship. Though he does successfully let the Chief of Starfleet Security know what he's up to, which is bad because it turns out that she's involved with the Zhat Vash conspiracy! I get the 'legends' part of the title, as the episode features the legendary Romulan equivalent of Section 31 and living legend Jean-Luc Picard, but where do the 'maps' come into it? Picard has no idea where to go yet. The episode's about three things: Picard searching for clues and asking for help, Narek and Soji on the Borg Cube and the rogue synth uprising on Mars. Oh and the evil Romulans spies twirling their moustaches and being extra evil. Holy shit Lt. Cmdr. Laurel Takashima has gotten mean since Babylon 5. I didn't even recognise her as Commodore Oh behind that wall of pure hostility. We got to see the moment the synths went rogue in a flashback but it's still unclear why it happened. They weren't treated quite as well as Data on the Enterprise (their co-workers didn't score highly on the Geordi scale), and it seems dangerously close to the 'sapient androids being used as slave labour' scenario that Picard warned about in The Measure of a Man, but this definitely wasn't a story of them being pushed to rebel. Something hacked the robot we saw and he blew his own CPU out afterwards. This makes them very different to Data, who always apologised after taking over the ship and went right back to work afterwards. Though with a name like F8, he would've fit right into Dr Soong's android family. Utopia Planitia Fleet Yards have gotten mentioned so many times in Trek that it was sad to see the state of it here. This was the birthplace of the Enterprise D, the Defiant, and the Voyager, and they couldn't even get the workers a decent replicator to use? The whole facility seemed kind of terrible actually, considering that it's right next to Earth. If a core Federation facility is less hospitable than an old Cardassian ore processing station, something is very wrong. I liked the appropriately Nemesis-era shuttles flying around though. We also got some actual answers for some of the other mysteries introduced in episode one. We know that the Romulans that went after Dahj are from a secret Tal Shiar group who hate AI, we know that no one's investigating them because the Chief of Starfleet Security is in on it, and we know that the Romulans on the Borg Cube are (probably) nothing to do with them. They're just de-Borging folks and claiming the tech, and judging by the sign they've been doing it for at least 16 years. Which is two years before the incident at Utopia Planitia and the destruction of Romulus. Meanwhile Picard still hasn't managed to leave Earth yet, so he's been travelling the planet and getting yelled at by a different woman everywhere he goes. For decades Star Trek's galaxy had been free of cursing, but Picard's single-handedly bringing it back with his sheer fucking hubris. He's feeling a deadline now though, after that diagnosis from the doctor from the Stargazer (I guess Beverly Crusher's out commanding her own ship... maybe even the Enterprise!) His friend didn't say Irumodic Syndrome, but that's what we're meant to be thinking. Though we're four years after the alternate future seen in All Good Things at this point and he's not yelling at hallucinations yet, so he's not doing too bad. Overall I felt that the episode was a bit of a step back from the pilot for various reasons (eg. moustache twirling Romulans) but it was mostly pretty alright. However, they showed the Discovery reimagining of the classic Enterprise instead of the proper ship so I'm giving it a score of -4 out of 10. But is the second episode of Picard better than second episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation? It's up against The Naked Now, where everyone gets drunk off a virus, Data sleeps with Tasha Yar, and Wesley saves the ship, so I'm leaning towards... yes.
1-03	The End is the Beginning	7
Picard goes to his old first officer for help, but she holds a grudge against him for getting her fired and then abandoning her for 14 years. Still, she gets him a ship and the location of rogue cyberneticist Bruce Maddox, and after an assassination attempt at the château, Picard's finally ready to go back in space. Meanwhile Soji tries to help a Romulan ex-Borg and ends up totally freaking her out instead. Laris and Zhaban survived the fight in the château! It was a great scene, but the whole time I was just waiting for one or both of them to get fatally wounded to give Picard extra motivation, and I didn't want that! I've been worried about them from the start actually, because I knew neither would be joining Picard's crew. Fortunately he just didn't want them along, because this is a mission for troubled ex-Starfleet officers, not settled ex-Tal Shiar (basically he doesn't want to bring anyone who might sacrifice themselves to save him like Data did). Though now I have questions about whether they could inherit the château from him if he dies in space. The episode definitely implies that Picard owns that property and he can afford to pay an expensive pilot, despite the fact that people don't use money anymore. Meanwhile poor Raffi is living next to Vasquez Rocks in a hovel, which is very unfair on the people who want to use it as a filming location. The episode just races past the fact that Picard's resignation somehow gets her fired from Starfleet without giving the slightest bit of justification for that, but it kind of gets away with it because it's Picard not keeping in touch that really seems to bother her. He retreated from the world and she needed him, because she apparently had no other friends. Not entirely surprising, considering that her main trait seems to be paranoia. The episode also introduces the cigar-smoking Cristóbal Rios and his many holographic clones (with their many holographic accents). The guy must be a good actor as it took me a while to decide if he was playing both roles. Seems like Rios's issue is that he's too traumatised by the death of his captain to travel with a real crew anymore (or stitch up his gaping unexplained shoulder wound). This means the series is dealing with androids, cyborgs and holograms now! It's really taking advantage of the Post-Next Gen time period to examine subjects that have been mostly off-limits during the last two decades of Prequel Trek. Meanwhile, on the Borg Cube, Soji spent a lot of time chatting to a woman about her card game. I can't say I was completely engrossed with that conversation, but it does raise some questions about why Soji knows so much, why the Romulan knows her, and what happened to collapse the Borg Cube right after  her crew was assimilated. This series is just mysteries on top of mysteries. Though it has revealed what Hugh's been up to, and it turns out he's the director of the project! Good for him. Shame his de-assimilation surgery isn't as invisible as Seven of Nine's or Jean-Luc Picard's, as there's apparently a bit of a stigma around the xBs like him. There's also a bit of a stigma around being The Destroyer, as the Romulans seem genuinely terrified of it, so it's no wonder that Soji's in a bit of trouble. Though it's possible other people will be in worse trouble if she actually starts destroying, considering the efforts being made to stop it happening. The episode has some real head-scratcher moments but overall I enjoyed it. We got an explanation for why some Romulans have head ridges (they're northerners), we got a Vulcan with sunglasses, and Picard stole the Enterprise theme and brought it with him onto La Sirena... which seems like an alright little spaceship, even if its open-plan interior is a little strange. The series is interesting and I'm interested. The third episode of The Next Generation is Code of Honor, where Tasha Yar is kidnapped by the planet of the primitive black people and has to fight to the death so that the Enterprise can get hold of an essential vaccine. It is legendarily terrible and, as a bonus, a little bit racist, so Picard walks away with another win here.
1-04	Absolute Candor	7
Picard makes a detour to Vashti to pick up a male warrior nun as a bodyguard, but ends up fighting the local Romulans and then an ancient Bird of Prey. Meanwhile Soji is still hanging out with Narek on that Borg Cube. For a while Star Trek seemed obsessed with recreating Wrath of Khan, so I'm not completely surprised that Picard is about a former captain who got promoted to admiral off-screen and has been stuck on Earth too long, growing old. And now in this episode he also has to face the wrath of the angry people he left on a planet and never checked up on, while reconnecting with a child who grew up without him. It even ends with a space battle! Fortunately they went the exact opposite with the enemy super ship this time, making it a primitive ancient museum piece. The advantage of putting the heroes on the Millennium Frankenstrat is that every ship's bigger than them now! The final space battle was surprisingly chaotic and didn't tell much of a story. But I can forgive it because they actually specified in dialogue that the Bird of Prey really was supposed to be from the Original Series-era; they didn't pull a Children of Mars and use the wrong ship because of money/apathy/I don't even know. It doesn't look absolutely identical to the classic Bird of Prey, but then it's probably not the same class of ship (it seems smaller), so I have zero issue with it. I love having zero issues, it's such a relief! In fact the whole episode was alright overall; the comfortable, interesting kind of alright, not just 'it ticked all the boxes to be an episode of this show' alright. There's also real signs that the plot might be moving forward any time now, and we even got a little bit of closure here, with Elnor being introduced and recruited in the same story. Plus there were no scenes on Earth for once! And it has the historic first meeting of Picard and Seven of Nine! The episode's called Absolute Candor and it's all about Picard being honest about how guilty he is, and other people being honest about how angry they are with him. Though it turns out that he actually did manage to save at least 250,000 Romulans before the rescue was called off and even this has pissed people off! I don't think there's any truth in the senator's belief that the Romulans could've come up with a solution if the Federation hadn't offered one first (then withdrawn it), but there's no doubt he gave up trying to save anyone else when he lost his ability to save everyone else. Sure it wasn't his job anymore, but he was already deeply involved, and even if the best he could manage to do with all his resources and connections was hire a ship like La Sirena to make a handful of trips, he could've saved hundreds. Hopefully this is the last stop on that particular guilt trip though, as after four episodes it's getting a bit old. The scenes on the Borg Cube are also getting old, as once again Narek is warned by his evil sister that he's not getting information from Soji fast enough, for like the third episode in a row. Though this time she was more obviously abusive, and it seems like he's genuinely scared of her and unable to fight back. I've done a real 180 on Narek very quickly, as he's the only antagonist with any depth, I just wish he and Soji weren't trapped in this plot. The Vulcans have always been the space elves of Star Trek but here the Romulans make a real attempt to steal that title, Elnor in particular. He's like a cross between Data and Worf, with the naivety of one and the fighting skills of the other: a perfect mix for someone who'll be looking to Picard as a father figure. Plus his name means 'Star Trek' in Elvish. Though elves are typically good with a bow, and Elnor's use to the team is immediately put into question when someone points out that he doesn't carry a ranged weapon and has no defence against them. That's a sword, not a lightsaber. Still it's good he was around, as for a moment there I thought we were going to see a 90 year old trying to win a sword fight. There's another thing for Picard to regret, as he clearly didn't expect to get a guy killed during his cunning improvised plan to use his last 7 minutes on the planet to win Elnor to his cause. Oops! Elnor and Narek are being set up as opposites, as one's an orphan raised by kind adoptive family who believes in absolute honesty and can slice your head off in a heartbeat, the other a liar with secrets and an abusive sister who terrifies him. Though I'm rooting for Narek to do the right thing when he has to make a choice, as it seems like he has it in him. Next Generation episode: The Last Outpost, the episode that introduced the fearsome Ferengi! Absolute Candor would've had to have been pretty damn bad for Picard lose this matchup, and it wasn't, so it didn't.
1-05	Stardust City Rag	6
The crew pull off a daring scheme on Freecloud, involving dressing up and then drawing guns on someone, and that's pretty much it. Also Seven of Nine has joined the crew, but she leaves to get vengeance for Icheb's unnecessarily horrible death. Speaking of horrible deaths, Dr Jurati murders Maddox because of the terrible things she knows! Also there's a plot about Raffi meeting her son again that feels like it came from a different TV show. Stardust City Rag features the crew pulling a Farscape caper in costume against a crime lord on the David Bowie planet, so it was either going to be really good or really not. I had my hopes up but I've got to be honest, for me it was the worst episode so far, and that's impressive seeing as it had zero scenes on the Borg Cube and absolutely no Narissa. Weirdly though I think the music was my biggest problem with this story, worse even than the drama with Raffi and the son we've never heard about, Icheb being put into a metaphorical refrigerator to give Seven a revenge plot, Evil Deanna Troi continuing the trend of moustache-twirling villains, and the lack of any kind of caper in their caper. It really underscored how much of a misfire everything was. At least they finally found Bruce Maddox, who's now apparently played by Old Man Wolverine from Logan. I suppose his recasting doesn't matter now though, as Dr Jurati went and killed him! Seems like Commodore Shades showed her the terrible secret of space and it's turned her into an android-hating maniac who'll murder her lover and punch an innocent holographic robot's head off. I already suspected she was a double agent planted on the ship by the Commodore, but I never guessed she'd be killing people... well until that last scene in sickbay, where it was plainly obvious from the beginning that she was psyching herself up to do it. It was a bold choice by the writers to make the sympathetic comic relief a villain after just five episodes, but she's clearly torn by it. She's got a definite 'guy who invented Skynet dealing with a visit from Sarah Connor' vibe right now. That said, even Jack Bauer would've hesitated for longer before pulling the plug on an innocent man to prevent a disaster. Plus there's no way they're leading to Picard having to destroy the synths to save the future, so Maddox must have died for nothing. On the plus side, the comedy worked pretty well I thought, mostly because of Elnor's naivety and Picard's appropriately comically sinisterrrr overacting, and Rios has finally proven he's definitely not a hologram by leaving the ship in a pimp hat. It was a shame to see Seven depart the crew here, and not just because it lead to the scene of her walking into phaser fire with a rifle in each hand, but she did at least have half a conversation with Picard about them both being ex-Borg first. Plus there's a strong hint that she'll be back at some point. Overall though, this episode's dark dumb cheesy trash and not in a fun way. I know Star Trek isn't always better than this, but this is surprisingly inept for Picard. Next Generation episode: Where No One Has Gone Before, where the crew travel so far they end up in a dimension not only of sight and sound but also of mind. Wasn't actually that bad this one, even though it's about Wesley Crusher. In fact I think Next Gen actually wins this round, because it's more consistently watchable and does a better job with its premise. Remembrance beats Encounter at Farpoint, so the current score is 4-1 to Picard.
1-06	The Impossible Box	6
The crew of La Sirena finally visit the Borg Cube to rescue Soji, but only a traumatised Picard is allowed to come over. Fortunately Elnor beams over anyway, and when Soji breaks out of Narek's fatal therapy session he's there to cover their escape. This was the first episode of the series that I wasn't all that enthusiastic to watch, but that's mostly due to the last episode and my increasing boredom with the show's mysteries. It doesn't help that they're 'everything you know is wrong' kinds of mysteries, which I hate, and they're threatening me with secret revelations about the Borg. We don't need secret revelations about anything! Sure do an origin of the Borg story if you have to, but stick it hundreds of years in the past, 40,000 light years away and have it nothing to do with anything we know. Speaking of 40,000 light years, it turns out the Borg ship has a magic portal that can send you anywhere within that range, just in case you're a Borg Queen who needs a speedy exit. Hugh mentions that it's a later addition (nicked from the aliens in the Voyager episode Prime Factors) but I can imagine a more primitive device being used to save the Queen from the Best of Both Worlds ship, solving a mystery that's been around since the movie First Contact. This was a pretty quiet watchable episode I thought. It reminded me of later Discovery episodes in its structure as it's all conversations and emotions until the actual story starts to develop in the second half, and it does such a good job of putting you in Picard's shoes as he deals with his trauma that I was half expecting him to find some little ships to smash when he went to his holochâteau. They also gave an appropriate amount of episode to Jurati not coping well with murdering her lover and Soji going through an identity crisis. Though for some reason when Raffi has problems they start the comedy music! Her issues with her son have driven her to drink and that's somehow made her the new comic relief? The crew claps after she destroys an old friendship to help them reach the Borg Cube? What the hell Picard? The best part of this episode for me was when Picard met Hugh... and they were happy to see each other! It was such a nice change after four episodes of people blaming him for things. Picard made the correct choice in I, Borg, and now he has to face the consequences of that action, which is that he's got a friend who's willing to help him out. I was also a bit surprised that Hugh was so effective at helping, as he managed to get Picard and Soji safely off the Cube in just one episode (without the Cube waking up and going on a Borg spree). I wish I could say we're probably done with the place now, but Soji's undercover mission was interrupted so she probably didn't find what she was looking for. Plus we still don't know why assimilating those Romulans shut the Cube down. Soji at least figured out the secret of her dreams with a bit of meditation appropriation, which has inadvertently led the Tal Shiar to the one planet in the galaxy with two moons and a storm, oops. I was hoping Narek would help Soji escape in the end, but nope he did his job and tried to kill her with a deadly gas (Romulans sure like their elaborate death cloud dispensers). He was clearly suffering in the same way Jurati did when she murdered her lover though, so it's not like he doesn't care about her. Apparently the terrible secret of space is just that bad. Actually I've changed my mind; the best part of the episode was that we finally got see the lower deck of La Sirena and understand the layout a bit. Now I know that Picard's holoquarters are below the bridge! Next Generation episode: Lonely Among Us, where the crew have to deal with ambassadors eating each other, the captain being possessed by an energy being, and Data thinking he's Sherlock Holmes. It's not great, so this is another easy win for Picard.
1-07	Nepenthe	7
Picard and Soji hide out at Riker and Troi's house while he plans his next move. Though the Next Gen crew have to prove that she can trust them, as everything Soji knows about her life has been a lie. Meanwhile on La Sirena, Jurati struggles with guilt over killing Maddox and leading the Zhat Vash to the ship, so she injects herself with neurotoxin to flush out the tracker. And Narissa kills Hugh, leaving Elnor alone on the Cube. This was a nice episode. I mean sure a beloved character got murdered and another put herself into a coma with a neurotoxin, but otherwise it was nice. In fact it was a little bit laid back for my tastes, but how can I not love an episode that gives Jonathan Frakes another chance to yell "Shields up!" on screen? There's three stories going on here: Picard visiting some old friends, Dr Jurati being tormented as the ship's pursued, and Elnor and Hugh having Zhat Vash problems, and there's a bit of tonal whiplash there. One moment Troi's trying to counsel Soji, then Jurati's going on a chocolate milk and cake trip, then Elnor's slicing people open. But it worked for me. The Soji plot is all about the conversations and the conversations are good. It's as much about what Riker and Troi have been up to in the last two decades as it is about her coming to terms with everything, and the episode goes out of its way to do right by both of them. They've had their own tragedy, which seemed unnecessarily cruel to me at first, but the pieces all fell into place in a satisfying way by the end and the two of them were almost too perfect in the way they helped Picard and Soji. I like that when three Next Generation characters get together at once, their intelligence, thoughtfulness and decency set off all of Soji's red flags and makes her think it's a trick. I really felt for her though, especially when Picard had to assure her that her sister actually was real. It really hammered home that the rest of her loved ones are imaginary; the people she cares about the most were never there and she has no one to rely on or trust. There was a real sense of dread hanging over all the scenes on the planet, considering what the series likes to do with returning characters like Icheb, Maddox and now Hugh, so it came as a huge relief to me that Riker, Troi and Kestra all survived. Hang on, I remember that name now... Kestra is named after Troi's dead sister! Wow, Deanna handled the tragedy of losing a child a lot different than Lwaxana did. Plus Riker and Troi both had issues with their parents so it's great to see them doing such a good job raising their own kid (who is incidentally awesome). Meanwhile we got a vision of the dark future where synths destroy everything and man it was similar to Spock's vision in Discovery. Though in Discovery the crew were doing everything they could to avoid that future, while this time the heroes are on the side of the AI! Even Jurati couldn't carry on sabotaging the crew any longer. The scene of Raffi going to get her some drugs and Jurati assuming it's cake and chocolate milk was played for laughs, but it also shows how innocent she really is. Or was. She murdered someone she loved to save the galaxy and now she's absolutely going to pieces. And man, poor Hugh. I really wish they hadn't killed the guy just to make Narissa seem more evil; she was already at 110% unlikeable on her first appearance and it's only gone up since then. It did leave Elnor on his own though, at least until the Fenris Rangers come to save him next episode. I'm still not sure what that convenient Fenris pager was doing there, but then I'm an idiot who didn't figure out that Seven would eventually be involved the moment Hugh mentioned that only an xB can control the ship. I love the idea of her and the other former Borgs using their hijacked Borg Cube to patrol the lawless space between the Federation and what's left of the Romulans; that'd be a good place to leave her this season. Next Generation episode: Justice, the one where Wesley Crusher's sentenced to death for falling on some flowers. I've given it some thought, and I think Picard might win this time.
1-08	Broken Pieces	7
Raffi questions Rios's holograms to piece together his past and solve the conspiracy that's been haunting her for years. Meanwhile Seven of Nine appears to commandeer the Borg Cube and save the xBs, but most of the Borg are killed in the fight against the Zhat Vash. There was a bit of an A plot, B plot mismatch again this episode, as the A plot is all about Raffi piecing together the motivation of the Zhat Vash and Rios's backstory, and the B plot is about lots and lots of people dying in horrible ways. Actually there were people dying in horrible ways in the teaser as well now that I think about it, with them tearing the skin off their own faces and suchlike after learning the horrible truth. Funnily enough I had the exact opposite reaction, as I learned that everything we know about the Romulans and the Borg... is still true! The Romulans had nothing whatsoever to do with the origins of the Borg, and they themselves aren't a lost race of Vulcan robots, or anything like that. They just found a Battlestar Galactica box set and watching it made them crazy is all. It's such a relief. The episode was definitely Raffi's time to shine, as she put together the whole conspiracy from the broken pieces of Rios scattered among his hilarious stereotype holograms. It turns out that his former captain shot himself after killing two synths under orders from Oh, who threatened to blow up the ship if he didn't. Not exactly how I remember Starfleet operating (plus it's an incredible coincidence that Rios had already met Soji's sister), but okay. Also Oh is half Vulcan, half Romulan, and she's responsible for the synth attack on Mars, so that solves that. Personally I would've waited for the rescue ships to go save millions of my people first, but I suppose she must have been in a hurry. It was also Soji's first visit to La Sirena and she couldn't even go one episode without pulling a Data and hijacking the ship! I like how the writers used Data's most concerning habit to show why people have good reason to be scared of androids. Though it's basically the old X-Men message again: people hate and fear those that are different (and have incredibly dangerous super powers), so I shouldn't have been surprised that Professor X's reaction was a speech about hope being better than fear. Of course Data's biggest supporter would still have Soji's back 100%. In fact they all do, even Dr Jurati. Apparently her horrific vision was only enough motivation for one murder, though that makes sense considering how messed up she is. Turns out her weird behaviour in the last couple of episodes was partly down to having a block that prevented her from telling the truth, partly due to the vision of Robot Armageddon, and partly due to that vision coming with a good dose of crazy. Commander Shepard didn't know how well he/she had it in Mass Effect... not that I'm implying that this story is suspiciously similar in any way. Seven's Borg Cube adventure didn't go so well, but it could've gone worse I suppose. She could've lost herself entirely and started assimilating humanity. It seems like the collective she formed with the xBs was small enough that it didn't go full Borg in its agenda, though it's not clear whether it let everyone go afterwards, or just her. It's also not clear why her eyes both did that Borg thing, especially as one of them is presumably natural and the other is an implant given to her on Voyager. I guess everyone was doing a weird eye thing this episode and she didn't want to be left out. Overall I thought this episode was really low key, maybe even more so than Nepenthe, but it worked. I can live with an episode with Picard being reasonable, Raffi being clever and Rios being like six different people. Also Admiral Fucking Hubris made a return to yell obscenities at Picard from across a desk once more! I'm glad that Starfleet has been given another chance to be the good guys in this story and I hope it works out. Next Generation episode: The Battle, the episode with the USS Stargazer! So we have two episodes about a captain remembering their former ship. Picard wins though.
1-09	Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 1	7
La Sirena takes a transwarp shortcut to beat the Romulan fleet to the android homeworld, but a fight with Narek's fighter and giant orchids leaves the ship grounded, not far from Seven's trashed Borg Cube. The crew go to meet the friendly androids (and Dr Soong's son), but Soji's other sister becomes less friendly after seeing the Zhat Vash's terrible warning for herself and conspires with Narek to scare the others into imprisoning Picard and summoning robot Armageddon.  You know an episode's going to be a bit weird when you've got a Borg Cube being attacked by giant flowers before the opening credits. I feel like it was pretty good however, even though I couldn't help running everything through the Star Trek: Encyclopedia in my brain to see if it checked out. Could Soong have had a secret biological son? It's pretty cheesy storytelling, but sure. Would he really have given him the initials 'A.I.'? Of course he would've. Could an android mind meld like a Vulcan? Data couldn't, but these aren't Data, so I guess they can do whatever the story says they can. Could you kill an android by sticking a bit of jewellery into their eye? Again, it depends on the android. Could Soong transfer his mind into an android body? Absolutely, Return to Tomorrow says yes and The Schizoid Man confirms it. It was nice to see Brent Spiner back again by the way, even if he was more or less playing the same guy he played in Enterprise. Altan Inigo Soong is just as protective of his children as his ancestor Arik Soong, and he's not entirely on humanity's team. I liked how old school Star Trek the sexy android community was, as it felt like something straight from early Next Gen. In fact now that I think about it, I, Mudd had a civilisation of android twins as well. It's funny how similar this situation is to the Next Gen story The Ensigns of Command as well, where Data had to convince a colony to evacuate their planet before a fleet arrived to kill them all. Here Picard had to convince a planet of Datas, and he didn't do so well at it. The Federation's lost their trust and Picard's lost his credibility. He's really won over his crew though, as when he takes command they all follow. Even Raffi likes him again now, though I suppose it's harder to stay mad at someone when you've just learned they're dying. I guess for season two Picard will be copied into a younger super-strong android body and played by either Tom Hardy or James McAvoy. The episode started with a nice dogfight against sneaky Narek, but for the most part it was a lot of talking to people, like you'd expect from Picard really. I've no complaints about the pace here though, as we're definitely in the part of the story where the mystery is over and things are happening. Half of it due to sneaky Evil Soji, who is pretty much a perfect match for sneaky Narek, except I'm not sure she love/hates him the same way he love/hates Good Soji. Mostly a lot of hate/hate there. They are similarly duplicitous in service of their 'kill everyone who is not us' agenda though, and man I've really turned against Narek lately. I got tricked into liking and sympathising with him at first, but you can never ever trust the guy. But I suppose that can't be helped when someone's got the Admonition stuck in their head. Even Dr Jurati seems kind of forgiven for her murderous ways, at least until her fake(?) betrayal at the end. Plus Maddox was kind of asking to be killed really, seeing how he left secret android paradise after Dajh and Soji were created to set up a lab on Freecloud using money borrowed from a crime lord, like an idiot. Anyway, the Zhat Vash always thought the Admonition was a warning of robot annihilation so terrible that it drives you mad (like poor Spock in Discovery), but it turns out it was actually an offer of robot annihilation, just not formatted right for organic minds. Either way, robot annihilation is very much on the table here, assuming that the ancient androids from outside the galaxy still exist anymore. It's all going a bit Mass Effect and Picard's determined to play it the Paragon route. I just hope the season has a better ending. Next Generation episode: Hide and Q, with Q returning to tempt Riker with Q powers. No Q in Picard this episode, which is a bit of a negative (especially as it could've explained how a tiny colony of Federation cyberneticists have giant Borg-killing space orchids), but I think Picard still wins this round.
1-10	Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2	7
The La Sirena crew try the 'we've brought you a prisoner' plan from Stardust City Rag again to destroy the beacon... and it utterly fails. But it gives Picard a chance to swipe the ship and distract the Romulans long enough for Will Riker to show up with his fleet. Picard somehow manages to sacrifice his life by making a speech, and everyone's sad. But then he comes back as a robot. Also Seven has had enough of Narissa. Star Trek hasn't had a great track record when it comes to first seasons, but it's had some pretty epic two-part season finales over the years. Best of Both Worlds, What We Leave Behind, Scorpion... even Discovery's Such Sweet Sorrow was pretty great. Et in Arcadia Ego wasn't so great to be honest, but it wasn't bad either! In fact it was pretty typical for this season and I was satisfied with what I got. I can't believe they actually did give Picard the android body though! I was only joking in my last review, I didn't really expect them to be crazy enough to kill off a character we've known for 33 years and resurrect him as a robot, because it's a stupid stupid idea. Well... actually it's a perfectly reasonable idea that fits the themes of the series (how androids are just as real as people and synth research could save lives), and is well established as a thing that you can do in the Star Trek universe. It's also established as a thing you shouldn't do, but they had the big discussion about immortality in this story so it's fine. At first I thought it was really bloody cruel of them to give Picard the body and lifespan of a 94 year old man, but it seems like he's actually as healthy as a 20 year old robot; he's just going to die when he reaches the end of a natural human lifespan. So judging by Admiral McCoy he's got at least another 40 years in him. But is it really the same Picard or just a clone like Virtual Data? Judging by all the body swapping that's already happened in Trek I'm going to say it's 100% genuine Picard. They've pulled a Star Trek 3, except Picard's katra was put in a robot body and it was Seven who kicked the villain down a pit. Also the planet didn't explode, thankfully. I could've done without the surprise appearance of Data's neural clone though, taking up screen time that could've been spent on giving the xBs any kind of resolution! I mean sure I would've liked to know what Data would've thought about having his own homeworld and people, but the simulation was really only there to chat about how immortality sucks, even though he hadn't come close to reaching the end of a normal human lifespan yet, and could've been downloaded into a mortal body. Personally I thought his argument was terrible as I can honestly say that a butterfly's lifespan has absolutely zero influence on what I think about it, and I personally believe in preserving the things that have value to me. Though I can believe it's what Virtual Data believes, and even though it was strange for him to be the teacher it was nice to see to see a version of him who feels like he gets it. Then they turned the anti-aging CGI to reverse for some reason and let the guy evolve into a star baby... or something (it's been a while since I've seen 2001: A Space Odyssey). Though there's still one thing I don't understand: why did they need the line about getting Data's entire memory from a single neuron when they had a complete memory dump stored in B-4? They broke my suspension of disbelief to explain away something that already has an explanation. Oh, before the deaths of Data and Picard there was also a bit of a story about the heroes trying to avert Armageddon using a nuclear football, giant tentacle-monster flowers and Dr Agnes Jurati's many floating heads, and I felt like it worked well enough. Even though the Sirena crew's plan didn't work at all. In fact Soong would've seen the footage and taken down Evil Soji without them, with his remote control that knocks robots out and denies us Soji vs Soji fight scenes (limit: 1 Soji per episode). In the end it was Picard that saved the day by figuring out La Sirena's controls and making another speech, this time with Starfleet there in force, saying 'yeah, he's telling the truth, we've got his back'. It's just a bit of a shame that fleet had way too many ships, they were all basically the same ship, and the ship isn't as pretty as the old Utopia Planitia vessels. I was hoping to see an Enterprise-D/E, Defiant, or Voyager in there as well. But at least the ship we got looked right for the era. Incidentally if you assume there's a crew of... let's say 461 officers on each of those 200 ships, then the amount of Starfleet officers that risked their lives to save the androids was equal to the number killed by the hacked synths at Utopia Planitia. Hacked by the same person commanding the ridiculously huge Zhat Vash fleet in fact, not that she's a character in this story at all. The actress did her best, but she's playing a scowl and shoulder pads here. The Federation has come off as a bit crap so far this season, so it was nice to see Starfleet finally step up and do the right thing (even though the series seemed like it was supposed to be about Picard having to find a way to save the day without them). In fact they're so nice that they're even going to let Dr Jurati get away with murdering a Federation citizen and they're not even going to try to arrest the traitorous head of Starfleet Security. I suppose it helps when you've got Will Riker in the captain's chair, choosing all the Paragon options. He can't stay there for long though, as he's got to give Discovery back their bridge set (they tried to hide it by turning the chair 90 degrees, but I'm onto them). Picard films in Los Angeles and Discovery films over 2000 miles away in Toronto, so this might be the one time in Trek where the actors on the bridges of two ships were physically further away than the characters. It's lucky that Jonathan Frakes was over there directing an episode really. Asshole Narek seems to be fairly redeemed by the end of this episode as well, as he really genuinely was trying to save all organic life the whole time, and he wasn't a complete monster about it like his moustache-twirling sister. It was maybe a bit much though to have him tell his horror story around a campfire on a dark and stormy night, especially as there was no need for them to even be out there as the ship was fixed at that point! Narek was also the first person this season to choose life when threatened by Elnor, though he wasn't the last to make that choice. Ultimately Narissa and Evil Soji were the only ones who couldn't live and let live, and Robot Armageddon was cancelled due to an adequate amount of sanity and reason on all sides. All you have to do is turn off the beacon and the Reapers can't get through it seems, not that I expected any different. I was a bit surprised however that the evil machines from beyond space were apparently exactly as evil as advertised. Doesn't quite fit the themes of the season. But then Species 8472 seemed just as bad at first, so maybe we'll actually get to meet them in season two and Picard can have a nice chat with them, robot to robot, over a cup of hot decaf Earl Grey. Next Generation episode: Haven, where the Enterprise's kids are kidnapped. Another effortless win for Picard. In fact if it wasn't for Stardust City Rag, Picard would've won every single time this season. I don't imagine season two will be much different to be honest. Next Gen season three though, that's going to put up a real fight.

CONCLUSION

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I've never seen the movie Logan, even though I watched most of the other X-Men films. Even when all the reviews said it was amazing I stayed well clear because I was worried it was going to be depressing, with characters I'd watched for years dying for the sake of raising stakes and adding drama. That's not really my thing.

So I was a bit worried about Star Trek: Picard going in, seeing as it stars Patrick Stewart as a much older version of one of the roles he's most famous for: a leader who belongs to a discriminated sci-fi minority, with a big house, regrets and a debilitating brain condition, who is pulled back into the world to help protect a young woman with special powers from those who also hate and fear her due to who she is. But it turned out that the season is fairly upbeat and fun... all the tragic deaths and horrific gore aside.

I still can't believe they actually gave Jean-Luc Picard a new robot body though. I'm also surprised at how okay I am with it, as it seems like the kind of thing that would really get me to roll my eyes. They're not even trying to downplay it, as he makes a point of mentioning that he's a synth now. Ex-Borg, ex-human, humanity still very much intact. I suppose it helps that there's a reason for it and it fits with the themes of the season; it's not just a twist ending. Plus it throws everyone's predictions out of the window. I mean everyone had to suspect that the series was going to end with Picard's death, even before we knew for sure that he had Irumodic Syndrome, so it was bloody cunning of the writers to give him his heroic death at the end of season one. They've gotten the inevitable ending out of the way and now they're free to do whatever they want. In fact I have no idea what they're going to do next, as we're all out of story and there was no hook here for season two.

The pacing was so slow early on that it started to seem like the Zhat Vash plot was going to run for all three seasons, but nope they somehow managed to resolve it all in the back half of season one. The synth attack on Mars, Soji and Dahj's secret mission, the Destroyer, the terrible secret of space, Rios' dead captain, the Borg Cube, Picard's Irumodic Syndrome... it's all done! The writers didn't do a perfect job of threading all the pieces together, some things seemed really out of place for Star Trek, and the Borg were ultimately kind of irrelevant, but overall I can't say it doesn't hold together and make sense. Except for the part where Maddox was on Freecloud borrowing money from gangsters instead of using his own lab on Synthtopia, I didn't get that bit.

It certainly makes a lot more sense than the last season of Star Trek: Discovery did, possibly because they didn't fire any showrunners halfway through for once. The writing was generally stronger I thought as well, which is possibly a side effect of the series being less manic and exaggerated. Neither series comes anywhere near Next Gen's level when it comes to exploring science fiction concepts, but Picard's speeches are a lot more down to earth than Burnham's, less pretentious, and the show doesn't seem like it's straining so hard to be profound as a result.

The season was the flip side of Discovery season two in a lot of ways, as they're both about people driven by visions of an apocalyptic future to avert disaster by killing Skynet before it can send out the squid monsters and blow up all our planets, but things played out in the opposite way. Discovery fought the machines with phasers, science and a giant fleet, while La Sirena saved the machines with words, understanding and a giant fleet. Star Trek has rarely done much with robots, despite having an android as a main character, so it's interesting that they finally traversed some Battlestar Galactica territory here, with themes like 'man's inhumanity to its robot children' and 'this has all happened before and it will happen again'. Fortunately Picard is still the same man who was Data's advocate in The Measure of a Man, and he brings the full force of Next Gen's optimism to the problem, saying that it'll only happen again if we act out of fear. In fact he gives his life for them, and they give it right back to him in return. And then off-screen they also gave Hugh back his life and just didn't mention it. That's canon now.

Overall I think I'd have to rank this season somewhere between Discovery's two seasons and the average season of Next Gen-era Trek... with Discovery being at the top. Don't get me wrong, Discovery has real problems, but Burman-era Trek had huge seasons with plenty of terrible episodes scattered throughout to drag the average down, while Kurtzman-era Trek is much more consistent. Trouble is that Picard is too consistent, never reaching the peaks that Discovery hit when it fully indulged in its insanity. Plus it started to lose my interest halfway through when it felt like it was just spinning its wheels and killing time, without strong episodic stories to make up for the lack of movement in the arc plot. It's almost like it's designed to be binge watched, but it's too repetitive for that.

But the biggest problem the series has is its villains, and the more thoughtful and well-rounded it tries to make the protagonists, the more one dimensional and campy the antagonists look by comparison. I mean by the final episode all Commodore Oh basically got to say was 'sterilise the entire planet', as her evil shoulder pads were doing all the rest of the talking for her. Plus Narissa made any scene worse by turning up in it and Bjayzl was almost as bad as her terrible costumes. The series needs more self-respect, as it really doesn't have to be this dumb. Narek's easily the most successful of the villains as he doesn't revel in being evil, he's just trying to save all organic life (by being a lying dick). The funny thing is, all the Zhat Vash characters are trying to avert the apocalypse, but they revel in all the wrong things they feel they need to do for the right reasons. You can't even blame the space madness for it, as Jurati was downright tortured by what the vision made her do; the villains in this are just terrible people. Especially that reporter in episode one.

The second biggest problem is it doesn't quite align with the Star Trek I'm familiar with. They deliberately show that Picard's living an exceptionally privileged life while the Utopia Planitia workers put up with a crappy replicator and Raffi's got nothing but her 'hovel', and it's jarring. This isn't the Federation I know, and I liked my Federation! On the plus side, it fits much better aesthetically with the Next Gen era than Discovery does with the Original Series era, and I was so glad that they used the proper uniforms. And they actually visit planets all the time in this show, which is what Trek should be doing, and Discovery doesn't do nearly enough of.

Also we finally got a better look at the Romulans, and even got the Romulan crew member we were denied in Deep Space Nine! They've been one of the Federation's biggest rivals since season one of the Original Series, but they're incredibly undeveloped compared to the Klingons, Cardassians, Borg, maybe even the Andorians. Maybe even the damn Kazon. In fact I'd say the series' characters are its biggest strength in general, as this is a really good cast playing really endearing people. And it actually uses them all instead of having a bridge full of people who barely get a line. I do have my favourites though...


My top three Picard season 1 characters:

Laris and Zhaban: The series had two parts to it: the half where it featured a large ensemble cast, and the part where it was carried on the back of a pair of awesome Romulans. Sure Patrick Stewart helped, but these two Tal Shiar agents-turned-housekeepers were the true highlight of the first three episodes. Especially because one was inexplicably Irish.

Cristóbal Rios: The guy was introduced as a badass hard-drinking cigar-smoking rogue space captain who doesn't give a damn about the shrapnel sticking out of his shoulder, and that image was immediately taken apart to reveal he's more than just a trope. Plus his holograms are amazing, and Santiago Cabrera's accents are perfect and beautiful and beyond criticism.

Bunnicorn: I was torn on whether to give this to Raffi or Dr Quirky Murder Scientist, but then I remembered the unicorn bunny in Nepenthe! It's only on screen for like a second, but it made an impression. It's also apparently deadly poisonous, so you've got to watch out for that if you want to eat one. Hey wait a minute, I thought humans didn't hunt animals for food in the Next Gen future!

The Troi-Rikers: Actually screw it, third place goes to all the Trois and Rikers, as they were so fantastic, kind and helpful to Soji that she was convinced they were too good to be true and it had to be a clever trick. Then Riker came back with 200 ships to save the day at the end, which was also kind of helpful. Plus it was really nice to see the characters again, and Kestra immediately won me over.

Top three Picard season 1 episodes:

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1. Remembrance (8)
2. Nepenthe (7)
3. Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2 (7)

The first episode promised a better season than the one we got I thought, but I was satisfied enough. Especially with episodes like Nepenthe, which was just about hanging out with Troi, Riker and their daughter... while Hugh was being murdered on the Borg ship. I could've done with less Hugh murder to be honest. Maybe they could've just wounded him a bit!

Bottom three season 1 episodes:

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1. Stardust City Rag (6)
2. The Impossible Box (6)
3. The End is the Beginning (7)

Kirsten Beyer wrote my least favourite episode of Discovery season one and of season two, so with Stardust City Rag she's now three for three. It's not like I hated the episode though. I mean I gave it a 6 (mostly because I liked the comedy).


Next time on Star Trek: Picard:

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What do I want from season 2? I think I want it to move on to a new story that's not so tied to past regrets, because we've had enough of those, and I want it to have enough story to fill 10 episodes this time. Plus they should give more time to Laris, Zhaban and Kestra, to set them up for a spin-off where they team up to fight crime. I also want to see Captain Beverly Crusher of the USS Enterprise E... which should be introduced coming in out of nowhere to bail the heroes out, All Good Things-style. And no incest on Borg Cubes please.

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NEXT TIME

Next on Sci-Fi Adventures, I've reached the penultimate episode of Babylon 5's third season: Shadow Dancing.

But while you're waiting for that I've got a question for you to answer: Picard, season 1... any good? Also, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, are you hyped? They'll have to visit some new planets for once this time, it's in the name!